When you chose not to open your eyes…

Its 2018, we (in Armenia) had Velvet Revolution. It is revolutionary times for sure, many of the corrupt officials are fired or left, National Security Service chases others and big fishes being fried. However, all what we have is about these days, or people who are from last 20 years. What about those who were at the beginning of the chaos? The ones who stole lives and dreams? Who devastated the futures of millions even not knowing them?

Im happy, Im very happy for all the progress we finally mark, we clean our country and we hope for better. Im happy also for being a tiny part of all this, seeing my friends taking positions of ministers, deputy ministers or other high offices. I know we can trust them, they are not corrupt, at least at this point 🙂

However, still there is something which doesnt let me to relax. I want my childhood back!

I want the mind of ease, not to worry about anything, being a careless kid. I dream of the times when I could eat what I wanted, I could wear what I wanted, I could have proper winter shoes, I just could be simple kid. Its not only about me, it is about a generation or few generations whose fortune and well being was buried while in the womb.

Its hard even to mention all the tragedies we went through, its impossible to count. Yeah, COUNT, that fu*king thing doesn’t let me free. Still, up to now I count, I count when I go to my friends place and when they lay a table, I count if they have enough food for sharing with me. Even if I know that my friend makes enough money, still I fu*cking COUNT.

Though one of the hardest was in 1992 when we moved to Yerevan as there was natural gas but in my village we had nothing to heat up our house. Unfortunately it didnt take long until Yerevan was out of gas too. Electricity was only few hours a day and we had to freeze until next day that very time for two hours and we would collect around electric heater and feel warm.

However, only recently I remembered that every morning, I would not get up or show that Im awake until I would hear everyone up. Every other day we would hear someone dead in the neighborhood and the reason was the cold and the news was getting closer and closer. I was scared that it will reach our house soon. I DIDN’T WANT TO OPEN MY EYES UNTIL I MADE SURE EVERYONE IS ALIVE. You cant imagine how many times I was silently crying when my brother or sister were sleeping longer than me and I couldnt hear their breath.

I was just 10…

I dont know how that affected me psychologically but…I WANT MY CHILDHOOD BACK!!!

2 thoughts on “When you chose not to open your eyes…

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